Why Great People Leave: The Emotional Burden We Don’t Talk About

It wasn’t the workload that exhausted me.
It was the tension that entered the room when I spoke the truth.

It’s not always loud.
Often, it’s the energy shift when a leader speaks.
The pause before someone says something honest.
The tension you feel, but can’t quite name, when truth enters the room.

I’ve worked in male-dominated spaces and female-led teams.
And here’s what I’ve come to see:

Ego doesn’t care about your job title or your values.
It shows up anywhere a connection feels risky.
And when ego leads the way, collaboration, creativity, and psychological safety quietly slip out the back door.

I Could Feel It, But I Couldn’t Name It

At the moment, I often thought I was the problem.

I’d share something honest, a fact others were skirting around, and then immediately second-guess myself.
Did I say too much?
Was my tone off?
Should I have softened it?

I didn’t lack insight. Or conviction.
What I lacked was emotional regulation and the tools to separate past pain from present tension.

So I shrank back.
Acquiesced.
Let others steer the ship even when I felt the direction was off.
Not because I didn’t care.
But staying felt heavy.

The Emotional Load Was Too Heavy

Not because the work wasn’t meaningful.
But because I couldn’t carry the emotional load anymore.

• The quiet undermining.
• The subtle exclusion.
• The feeling of being too much when I spoke the truth… and not enough when I didn’t.

I now understand these patterns weren’t just endemic in workplace culture.
They were also part of my own story, the unresolved parts of me that still sought approval, safety, and belonging.

Ego wasn’t just in others.
It was in me, too.

A Scarcity Mindset, Disguised as Leadership

What I didn’t see at the time?
It wasn’t just interpersonal.
It was systemic.

So many leadership environments operate from a scarcity mindset
Believing that if one person shines, someone else must shrink.

In these spaces:

• Vulnerability is seen as weakness.
• Control is mistaken for effective leadership.
• Authenticity is a risk, not a value.

It’s not about gender.
I’ve seen these dynamics across all kinds of executive teams.

And the cost is real:

• Great people leave.
• Innovation slows.
• Cultures lose their spark.

And those of us quietly noticing, especially the unseen ones, start doubting ourselves.
Not because we’re weak.
But because we’ve never been taught how to name the hurt and stay in the room.

It Doesn’t Have to Be This Way

What if leadership wasn’t about ego, but about emotional maturity?

What if we created workplaces where we could be human first, titles second?

Where leaders had the self-awareness to say:

“I don’t know.”
“I need help.”
“Let’s figure this out together.”

What if we made it normal to talk about trauma and triggers
About the weight we carry in silence?

I wonder how many people are walking away…
Not because they’re incapable,
But because the environment doesn’t allow them to breathe.

For the Ones Who Feel Too Much and Say Too Little

This isn’t a judgment.
It’s an invitation.

To reflect and ask:

• Where is ego influencing decisions in your workplace?
• Where might it be showing up in you?
• What kind of culture do you want to be part of, and what’s one small way you can contribute to it?

When I started doing this work, the inner work everything shifted.

I no longer needed to be right.
I just needed to be real.

That changed how I led.
And more importantly, it changed how I lived.

If You Know This Feeling, You’re Not Alone

If you’ve ever:

• Left a job because the emotional burden was too high
• Stayed quiet when you had something important to say
• Felt your value was tied to being agreeable, not impactful

…I see you.

And I hope this reminds you:

There’s nothing wrong with you.
But there may be something worth healing.

The workplace isn’t separate from our stories.
It’s one of the many places where those stories get activated.

Let’s stop pretending otherwise.
Let’s lead and live from a place of truth.

👉 If you’re ready to stop performing and start leading from truth, follow Rochelle Trow for reflections on thriving from the inside out.