Leading in the Grey: What Extremes Don’t Teach Us About Wholeness

There was a time when I lived at the extremes. I walked away from cultures I called toxic. I labelled systems broken. I blamed the structures, the processes, the people in power. And in some cases, I wasn’t wrong. There was real harm. Real dysfunction. Real misalignment.

But over time, something else emerged: Even after leaving, I still didn’t feel whole. I still carried the frustration.The disillusionment.The quiet ache that whispered, “There must be more than this.”

The trouble was, I had become so focused on fixing everything around me…
That I’d forgotten to look within.

Blame Is a Comfortable Place to Live , Until It Isn’t

It’s easier to name the thing that isn’t working than to sit with the discomfort of our own complicity. Easier to point at the culture than to examine the part of us that stayed silent.
Easier to walk away than to ask why the same patterns keep following us.

I don’t say that lightly. There are environments that do real damage. Sometimes, leaving is necessary. But when leaving becomes the only tool we trust, we risk carrying the same disconnection wherever we go.

What finally brought me peace wasn’t escape. It was honesty. And learning to stay long enough with the discomfort to understand what it was asking of me.

Why the Grey Is So Hard to Sit In

The world rewards certainty. Clarity. Clean breaks. Conviction. Online, it often looks like: Toxic workplace? Walk away. If it doesn’t serve you, cut it off. You deserve better.

And sometimes, yes, we do. But we also deserve something else: The permission to sit in nuance. To hold complexity. To not know for a while.

Most people I work with aren’t living at the extremes. They’re in the middle. Leading. Providing. Reflecting. Not aligned, but not ready to leave. Not silenced, but not fully heard either.

And that space the grey can feel lonely. Because it doesn’t trend. It doesn’t go viral. And yet, it’s where the real work happens.

We Don’t Just Need Abundance. We Need Inner Space.

We often talk about abundance as if it’s a lifestyle brand, the freedom to say no, the confidence to walk away, the clarity to only do what lights us up. But what if abundance isn’t about certainty at all? What if it’s about having the inner space to hold two truths at once?

Like… “I’m grateful for this role.” And also, “Parts of it are quietly costing me.”

Or…“I need this income right now.” And also, “I don’t want to lose myself in the process of earning it.”

We’ve glamorised abundance as clean exits and fierce boundaries. But sometimes, it’s not that neat. Sometimes abundance looks like staying, but staying with more awareness. It means showing up to the same meetings, but no longer betraying your gut. It means softening your self-judgment, even if your outer circumstances haven’t changed.

Abundance isn’t always about choice. It’s about capacity. The capacity to stay whole in spaces that don’t always reflect your values…while continuing to live them anyway.

We Say We Want Compassion. But Do We Practise It?

Compassion has become a buzzword in leadership. But real compassion isn’t just about kindness it’s about depth.

It asks us to hold the humanity of others and our own. To move from judgment to curiosity.
To ask not just “What’s wrong with this person?” But: “What’s the full context?”Why do we judge the leader who shuts down emotionally – without asking what they’ve learned to fear? Why do we condemn the team that avoids conflict – without asking what trust has been broken in the past? Compassion means being willing to look again. To listen longer. To make space for someone’s truth, even if it doesn’t align with your ideal version of growth.

Leading in the Grey Isn’t Weakness. It’s Emotional Maturity.

I used to think the strongest thing I could do was leave. Now I know the strongest thing I can do is stay, when it’s right and stay whole.

Not perform agreement. Not collapse into the system. Not rebel for the sake of rebellion.

But to show up, fully human. With discernment. With boundaries. With softness and spine.

Leading in the grey means learning to notice when you’re reacting from a wound and choosing to respond from your centre instead.

It means walking the middle path not because it’s safe…But because it’s true.

I Still Believe in the System. I Just Believe More in People.

I didn’t leave corporate because I gave up on it. I left because I wanted to help others stay without self-abandonment.

The clients I work with now aren’t waiting for the system to change. They’re changing their relationship to it. They’re building self-trust. They’re anchoring in values. They’re choosing to respond differently, even if the culture hasn’t caught up. It’s not flashy. But it’s transformative. They’re no longer waiting for permission to be whole.

They’re leading from the inside in a world that often teaches us to lead from image.

And that, to me, is the quietest revolution.

💬 Where are you holding a tension that doesn’t have a neat resolution? And what has the grey taught you about who you truly are?